Don't Rank Cuomo is a free short web game about not voting for / not "ranking" Andrew Cuomo, a corrupt disgraced neoliberal New York politician who's unfortunately running for mayor of New York City. (For more info, see the Times Union's June 15th op-ed: "Don't rank Andrew Cuomo.")
I made the game in an afternoon, after getting bombarded again with NYC mayoral race discourse on Bluesky even though I moved away years ago. And when I saw those words "don't rank Cuomo" for maybe the 999th time, the game idea suddenly emerged fully formed in my brain, and so I did one of those praxis solidarity things that people used to tweet about, and did something to show support.
Here's what happens in the game...
SPOILER ALERT: this post will spoil what happens in the game. If you care about that, then play the game first -- you can play it for free in your browser, on mobile / desktop. It'll take 2-4 minutes.
The game is short and simple: across 10 levels, you click / tap any non-Cuomo ballot option before the timer runs out.
If you click / tap on Cuomo, or you run out of time, then you get a fiery apocalyptic "game over" screen and a button to retry the level.
The timer (the yellow bar near the top) is there to make you panic, but it also mirrors the urgency: the primary election day is literally today as I write this (June 24th)!
Then between every level, there's a splash screen with a simple message, repeated over and over at a WarioWare pace, as if encouraging you to chant along: Don't! Rank! Cuomo!
One player critiqued the interface: you don't have to actually click on the individual bubble columns to rank candidates coherently. Instead you can just click anywhere on the row, and the game will automatically fill in the next rank bubble for you.
This critique is fair, since I clearly go for realism with a faithful paper ballot layout... But this fair critique is also clearly wrong. The game is called "Don't Rank Cuomo", not "Carefully Rank Everyone In Order Of Preference After Considering Each Of Their Platforms." What's important is the not-ranking and the not-doing. The power of a refrain like "Don't Rank Cuomo" relies on a simple ask, and that's the spirit that this game embodies.
The game is surprisingly fun to play. It was also surprisingly fun to make. I got into the non-architectural level design, thinking up different variations on the ballot mechanic and how to pace it. Here's my level design beat sheet:
- Level 1: rank 5 of 10 candidates, avoid 1 Cuomo
- relaxed tutorial with generous 60 second timer
- players must learn to just click anywhere on the row
- plausible ballot featuring all the candidates
- Level 2: rank 3 of 7, avoid 4 Cuomos
- teach that there can be multiple Cuomos
- Level 3: rank 1 of 10, avoid 9 Cuomos
- maximum Cuomos
- Level 4: same as Level 4 but with less time
- Level 5: same as Level 4 but with less time
- I repeat the same simple beat 3 times to speed it up / establish a rhythm
- Level 6: rank 1 of 2, avoid 1 Cuomo
- kind of like the the thesis statement of this game
- very easy level to sensitize you before the hardest levels
- Level 7: rank 5 of 6, avoid 1 Cuomo but English names are hidden
- you have to read the Chinese names and guess which one is Cuomo
- most players fail a few times then realize Cuomo's Chinese name still has his middle initial "M"
- miraculously, some players read Chinese, and have no need for special language tricks
- a reversal of Levels 4-6, which make you think it's all about speed, and now this feels like a funny brick wall that turns into a slow panic puzzle
- Level 8: rank 5 of 10, avoid 5 Cuomos -- but all the options keep moving and swapping places every 0.5 seconds, so it's easy to accidentally select Cuomo
- this is now a reversal of Level 7, where it's all about speed and reflex again
- probably the most punishing level of the game
- but also maybe the funniest level
- Level 9: rank 1 of 3, avoid 2 Cuomos -- but options swap around every 0.1 seconds, and also everything is in Chinese
- even if you didn't learn the language trick with Level 7, by process of elimination you can guess the "odd one out" is the non-Cuomo option
- ridiculous silly level where you rely on luck
- Level 10: rank 4 of 10, avoid 6 Cuomos -- but the non-Cuomo options are just subtle typos of "Cuomo"
- at first it just looks like 10 Cuomos and you're briefly flabbergasted
- reversal of Levels 8-9, less about speed and more about reading / figuring out the puzzle
But I must confess, my main design goal here was purely instrumental: to be a fun and useful excuse to say "don't rank Cuomo", to make the act of don't-ranking Cuomo into something fresh, funny, surprising, and entertaining -- and give yet another opportunity for New Yorkers to take up more space and oxygen by talking about don't-ranking Cuomo.
Academics might call this a newsgame. I made this game a few days ago, and it has an expiration date of... today, right now. Timeliness, freshness, and disposability make this game rather experimental?
Overall, I'm happy with this little web game and I'm glad to do my part for progressive politics from afar.
Good luck sorting out all your shit New York City!! Don't elect a shitty mayor for once! Don't fuck it up!!
