Life notes (2019-2025) + Sweet Sixteenth (16th) Blog Anniversary Mega-Roundup

I haven't done one of these end-of-the-year blog roundups since December 2018. This blog is now 16 years old. Maybe now's a good time to catch up over the past 6 years of my life??

Here's my "greatest hits" / notable blog posts since 2019, along with some commentary with the benefit of substantial hindsight. 
⭐ = Gay game release / artist statement.

2019

• Thick skin: complexion, realism, and labor in games is still a good one, comparing the tech art of layering multiple texture maps in modern 3D game materials to Lucian Freud's fleshy painting.
• Radiator European Tour 2019 (London, Berlin, Milan) + Lessons from Europe: field reports from EGX Rezzed, Now Play This, and A MAZE Berlin provide a snapshot of the pre-pandemic games festival circuit in Europe. Flying back-to-back weekends between New York and Europe sounds glamorous but it was actually a mild nightmare and it made me realize I didn't have the energy / desire to try to become a "real artist" and all the travel it'd require.
• State of the design blog is when I officially started blogging less. Little did I know that 6 years later, it'd be the year of the blog!!

2020

• The powerful presence of non-presence in "Out For Delivery" is my last VR-centric post, about a remarkable piece of VR filmmaking in Wuhan just as the pandemic was beginning. I think it might even be the last VR thing I ever played?
• My fy_iceworld feature for Rock Paper Shotgun is probably the best thing I've written for RPS. Read the comments in part 2 for a possible tantalizing conclusion to the mystery too -- though without evidence, it's impossible to confirm anything. Thanks to editor Graham Smith for believing in it.
• ⭐ Hard Lads as an important failure. Personally I think this is one of my better gay games / masculinity simulators, and it doesn't even have any explicit nudity. It also happens to be one of my better artist statements / essays too. It's my only game to get reviewed in Art in America -- again, I was on the cusp of entering the art world, and I had to decide whether to commit to it or not.
• I got burnt out on streaming and I started making Quake maps. I can't find a blog post for my first Quake map, but #2 is Smell It In The Street and #3 is It Will Be Summer Eventually. I wouldn't say they're good levels, I was still learning TrenchBroom and figuring out my Quake design voice, but they play OK enough.
• The year of changes - kia ora Aotearoa. And the big one: I announced I was leaving New York City and moving to Aotearoa New Zealand, where I still currently reside today. (You can't get much further from the art world than this?)

2021

• ⭐ We Dwell in Possibility as queer gardening simulation was a Manchester International Festival commission and represents the height of my fine art dabbling. I still feel a bit cheated by the pandemic here -- it would've been great to attend MIF in-person and experience it firsthand. At least the game turned out pretty good! One art critic said it was surprisingly subtle and open, compared to my other games -- I forget his exact words, but it was something like -- it's my least American game.
• Three more Quake maps: #4 is Daughter Drink This Water, #5 is Tell Me It's Raining, and #6 is When There Were Wolves. I believe Daughter is regarded as one of my better maps, an adaptation of Hang 'Em High from Halo 1 that gradually unfolds itself. It represents the point when I finally became proficient and fluent enough in TrenchBroom and Quake mapping, culminating in my Quake Renaissance series for Rock Paper Shotgun.
• Open world studies: for some reason this is the year I wrote big design analysis blog posts about big meaty open-ish RPGs -- Deathloop, Enderal, and The Forgotten City (2021).

new game: Rainbows Are Carnivores, a gay fishing / aquaculture romance

Rainbows Are Carnivores is a gay fishing / aquaculture romance video game about using your pole to catch some high quality hogs.

"Hog” is, of course, angler slang for a big fish, like a rainbow trout. It could also refer to the many rainbow men who happen to inhabit this video game lake.

You can play the game for free in your web browser, on desktop or mobile. Though I must warn you, it's a bit difficult, so be patient. It'll take 10-20 minutes depending on your luck / prior aquaculture expertise.

CONTENT WARNING: the game is rated-R, but this post is mostly PG-13. There's a butt.

SPOILER WARNING: this post SPOILS the gameplay and ending. Play it first if you care about spoilers.

The bleak and poignant open world sidequest design of Dread Delusion

talking to the "Inquisitor" at the beginning of the game

Dread Delusion (2024) by Lovely Hellplace is a retro-style indie first person RPG about exploring strange floating islands and talking to the NPCs who live there. It takes about 15-20 hours to complete.

inventory screen

Many compare it to The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind, with its emphasis on charming low poly 3D world design and worldbuilding. It also shares Morrowind's weightless combat -- but it's not as bad as failed dice rolls to stab a rat. It just treats combat with the contempt it deserves; there's no real benefit to killing stuff, no XP to grind. Pacifist builds are not only viable but very OP. (In the last dungeon, I just ran past everything at 50 MPH.)

So I want to focus on Dread Delusion's great strengths, specifically its world region / quest design. I've tried to write this for a general gamer audience to unpack what the game does. Consider this your last SPOILER WARNING: I'm going to talk about what happens in this game and what you do in it.

Postcards from TikTokland (month 1) + comparing TikTok to Bluesky

So I've now been playing the weird MMO known as TikTok for more than a month, and I thought I should reflect on my time there. 

In contrast to my first week on TikTok where I posted every day, I've now been uploading videos every 2-4 days. Which is much better. I highly recommend not posting every day, everywhere.

I've been making more local Australia / New Zealand game industry event vlogs. Here's a vlog from when I attended Wireframe conference here in Auckland, and here's another vlog (and yet another vlog) from my time at the Freeplay Angles festival in Melbourne. I tried to keep these pretty light and casual since I imagine most people aren't really sure what a game conference is.

I've also been making some more outdoor waterway videos. Here's a progress update on the backyard stream, a comprehensive review of the water fountains at the Auckland Domain Winter Gardens, and a waterfall walking tour. While I realize this could've been a savvy content strategy to try to capitalize on my most popular video, it actually wasn't a conscious strategy, I just like recording water and talking about it.

I'm keynoting Freeplay Angles 2025 in Melbourne, July 31 - August 2... + support the Australian indie game hub Sabby!

In about 2 weeks, I'll be giving a keynote at Freeplay Angles 2025, an indie video game festival in Melbourne, Australia, running from July 31 - August 2, 2025.

I'd give a hint for what my keynote's about, but I'm still in the middle of writing it, so you'll just have to wait in suspense a little while longer. (It'll probably have some sex in it I don't know)... For now, some logistics: I'll be keynoting the first festival day on Thursday, July 31, but there's also two more keynotes + full slates of interesting talks planned for both Friday and Saturday, August 1-2 too. 

Full schedule and tickets are available on the Freeplay website. Ticket prices are on a sliding scale, from $20 AUD for those on a budget, to $150 AUD for those who can afford to pay more to keep it cheaper for everyone else.

Submissions are open for the WIP Night (July 31) to show off your work-in-progress projects for free -- tables, chairs, and power are provided. Submissions are also open for the Night Market (August 2) with free vendor stalls to sell your games, arts, and crafts -- tables, chairs, and power are provided.

new web game: Don't Rank Cuomo

Don't Rank Cuomo is a free short web game about not voting for / not "ranking" Andrew Cuomo, a corrupt disgraced neoliberal New York politician who's unfortunately running for mayor of New York City. (For more info, see the Times Union's June 15th op-ed: "Don't rank Andrew Cuomo.")

I made the game in an afternoon, after getting bombarded again with NYC mayoral race discourse on Bluesky even though I moved away years ago. And when I saw those words "don't rank Cuomo" for maybe the 999th time, the game idea suddenly emerged fully formed in my brain, and so I did one of those praxis solidarity things that people used to tweet about, and did something to show support.

Here's what happens in the game...

SPOILER ALERT: this post will spoil what happens in the game. If you care about that, then play the game first -- you can play it for free in your browser, on mobile / desktop. It'll take 2-4 minutes.

Postcards from TikTokland: week 1

A week ago I threatened to make some TikToks. I set a personal goal to make one TikTok a day, just simple basic daily vlog stuff of whatever I was already doing.

And now it's been a week and I've done it. I now have a modest following and a TikTok profile page (@radiatoryang) with a full grid of videos. I feel a lot more capable with the video editing tool now, and sometimes I even have a little fun when making videos.

Here's a recap / post mortem of my first 7 videos and what I've learned from making them...

A foray into TikTok / notes on social media aesthetics

So I've finally done it. I've made a TikTok account (@radiatoryang). Forgive me.

I still prefer text over video, and I certainly don't intend to "pivot to video"... but it was feeling increasingly foolish to lack the video skills / cultural context of virtually everyone under 30 in the entire world.

Now I'm not a total stranger to making video. I used to do weekly level design streams called "Level With Me" on Twitch, where I gained a decent sized following with regular viewers and even some paid subscribers, but the lockdown-era gauntlet of remote teaching marathons quickly burned me out and irrevocably soured me on what used to be a fun hobby.

For this foray into TikTok crafting, I'm approaching it somewhat slowly and methodically...